Emotionally Exhausted & Morally Bankrupt

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-10-04T21:27:00

2007-10-05T01:29:24Z

uh oh spaghetti-o

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-10-02T00:45:00

2007-10-02T04:47:29Z

::sighs::

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-10-01T12:32:00

2007-10-01T16:32:44Z

Your Brain Usage Profile:

Auditory : 44%
Visual : 55%
Left : 68%
Right : 31%

Jackie, you are somewhat left-hemisphere dominant and show a preference for visual learning, although not extreme in either characteristic. You probably tend to do most things in moderation, but not always.

Your left-hemisphere dominance implies that your learning style is organized and structured, detail oriented and logical. Your visual preference, though, has you seeking stimulation and multiple data. Such an outlook can overwhelm structure and logic and create an almost continuous state of uncertainty and agitation. You may well suffer a feeling of continually trying to "catch up" with yourself.

Your tendency to be organized and logical and attend to details is reasonably well-established which should afford you success regardless of your chosen field of endeavor. You can "size up" situations and take in information rapidly. However, you must then subject that data to being classified and organized which causes you to "lose touch" with the immediacy of the problem.

Your logical and methodical nature hamper you in this regard though in the long run it may work to your advantage since you "learn from experience" and can go through the process more rapidly on subsequent occasions.

You remain predominantly functional in your orientation and practical. Abstraction and theory are secondary to application. In keeping with this, you focus on details until they manifest themselves in a unique pattern and only then work with the "larger whole."

With regards to your career choices, you have a mentality that would be good as a scientist, coach, athlete, design consultant, or an engineering technician. You can "see where you want to go" and even be able to "tell yourself," but find that you are "fighting yourself" at the darndest times.

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-09-20T13:33:00

2007-09-20T17:33:58Z

The Tao of Inner Peace

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-09-20T13:33:00

2007-09-20T17:33:26Z

The Tao of Pooh

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-09-07T01:18:00

2007-09-07T06:00:12Z

Creater, Divine, Gods, Goddesses, Shining Ones, Guardians of Earth, Sea, and Sky, give me strenth of will to continue, and give me hope of a better day to see me through. Lend me perseverance when my values must light my path, and protect my weary body when the world is too much. Grant me the ability to see what's positive around me and accept what is not. Bestow upon me the wisdom to accept the faults of others and to love them for it. To all those that keep me within the warmth of their arms, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul for bestowing these gifts, I honor the love you show and the strenth you give. In all of the seconds of all my lifetimes I could never express my gratitude or my love. I am truly blessed.

Many blessing to those mortals that stand by me, knowingly or not. May you see the beauty in the world and accept the ugly.

Much more love and peace than anyone could ever know.

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-08-24T23:13:00

2007-08-25T03:15:49Z

I've been updating on my myspace more often because I think it's funny I get 80 hits a day. Got I love these warring factions!

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-08-02T22:53:00

2007-08-03T02:54:26Z

My friend complimented me on my knowledge of mythology, history and science. It was a longer discussion than this, but it made me feel good.

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-31T20:34:00

2007-08-01T00:35:21Z

I think my depression cloud is lifting. I feel really good. I can't wait to start learning. I've starting meditating, which has been good. I have to get back to where I was, but it should go well. My ability to just sit has gotten rusty, but these things happen. I feel vibrant. I don't know how else to describe it. I'm ready to delve into magickal work. Not quickly mind you, I have to test the water, so to say. I don't want to burn out again. But there have been huge pushes for me to start onward and upward again.

There has been influxes of 101 classes starting up around me, and maybe this is reason why I feel the push to continue. Not that I want to take these classes, which makes me frustrated, because I'm not 101. I need more than basic meditations and color corespondences. I would love to have a group to work with again, but I can't go through that beginning stuff again, it's like going to first grade again and it just aggrivates me. I wish I could just test out and advance to the next level or something. lol but I realize why groups, covens etc do that, to make sure you understand what you are doing and get a feel for how you work, but crimity sake. Let me prove what I know and we can move on. I can move and work energy, I can see auras, and can read tarot descently, I can invoke/evoke (i suppose it depends on deity, but I have a strong connection with a few, so it counts :)) I can meditate for periods of time, I can visualize very well, i can cast a spell and actually have it work (though I don't care for spell casting at all but thats a whole different discussion) I can shield and work with my own chakras and energy. Jesus it's like a resume'. But yet anywhere I go I have to do the 101 stuff. I know a lot about wiccan history, too. Clutterbuck, damn it, Clutterbuck. haha. I know quite a bit of practical magick too, herbs, stones and such. But does anyone give a tinker's damn? No.

I would love to be able to teach, but I'm not ordained through some hack church, so I have no credentials. Haha at this point I doubt anyone would trust me enough to teach them, look at what i have going for me. I'm an asshole in the community, i'm 21 (so that means i'm retarded, could you inagin me trying to teach a 40 year old, that would go over like a fart in church), and I have nothing in back of my name, or in front for that matter, I'm not "Lady" something or "Rev." something. So yeah. That sucks.

So what was I originally talking about?

And that's the way it was.

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-31T09:45:00

2007-07-31T13:46:18Z

I've had this journal since 2002, I think that's cool!

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-30T21:46:00

2007-07-31T01:52:51Z

college seems to be in the air. I'm still working on getting all of my money together to start but it shouldn't be a problem. I am walking in with the idea that I'm going to do two years at HACC, or well, work my ass off and get it dome in a year and a half. By then I should know what I want to focus on. If it's History, I go to York college, if it's Hortaculture/Ecology, I go to Penn State. It seems to work out that way, which is very nice. I'm so excited!

Starting to look for a job. I want a really cool part time job. Maybe excitement video, or ac moore. Hey I like the craft store! Or a florist. If you see anything good, let me know. Maybe rutters, only because I worked their before and I know how to do it. and they pay well. I can't work at a pet store. I wonder how much the SPCA pays? Oh well. Will keep looking. I with libraries paid well, that would be great!

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-29T21:46:00

2007-07-30T01:52:47Z

Had a pretty interesting weekend. For the most it was fun. It rained really hard late saturday night, and more gossip is spreading like wild fire, but other than that it was pretty tame. I got to speak with K and get some things ironed out, which was wonderful. I also heard some terrible news and I hope everything works itself out for the best, although it's been a bitch of a season, no one deserves that sort of upheval.

ADF is running through my head again.

This weekend has opened a lot of windows, but closed a lot of doors.

Oh got my loan, I start college full time at the end of August!!!!!! (this = yey)

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-25T23:51:00

2007-07-26T03:53:42Z

Yeah didn't you know we all hate you, because we all secretly have the problem. I don't know why every single person seems to be against you. But yeah, keep telling yourself it's everyone else's problem. You run with that.

hahahahaha

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-24T02:34:00

2007-07-24T06:35:10Z

Just checking in for my weekly barrel of gossip, does anyone have anything to donate?

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-23T19:55:00

2007-07-23T23:57:09Z

I just finished the Harry Potter book in 15 hours. I don't know how I feel about it yet, I need to decompress. I bawled though. Bawled.

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-18T18:58:00

2007-07-18T22:58:38Z

How interesting that her significant other is still on the list.

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-18T15:12:00

2007-07-18T19:16:43Z

I found a campsite. it's going to look uber cool when I get it cleaned up. I'm going to make a custom burned altar, i have colored tealight holders for in the trees, wind chimes, ribbons, glass sun catchers, a free standing firepit, but for the entrance, i'm going to have black ribbon, i thought that would add a bit of me touch to it. It's up the hill heading toward the high meadow, up from where my old site was. I must say i am jealous of the ms campsite up the hill, but they can eat my ass hole in hell because my site is going to fucking ROCK! lol. When i get it finalized i'm going to burn 8 pounds of sage, though, because god know what hell's gone on back there since.

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-17T19:52:00

2007-07-17T23:53:15Z

I'm wondering if he wasn't forced to resign?

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-17T18:36:00

2007-07-17T22:41:15Z

Yesterday was a day of firsts for me.

1) I quit smoking.

2) I meditated for the first time in months.

3) I broke my first vibrator. (this part pissed me off) :D

I got a bunch of stuff for my campsite at highland, on sale, no less. Now all I have to do is find a campsite. It's going to fucking rock. Best campsite ever. I want it to be all hidden and fabulous! I haven't head from spoutwood yet. Sad face. Yeah thats abotu it.

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-16T16:20:00

2007-07-16T20:25:43Z

ok, i've been trying to get back into reading my pagan books. Trying to get interested or Jazzed again, you know, find that old spark. But they are all beginner shits. It's like doing 3rd grade math. I have farting around on the computer and found a bunch of wicca quizzes, just like "do you know these facts"... etc etc, and they were rediculously easy. One question was about gerald gardener and the answer was dorothy clutterbuck. it said that only 20% of people get that answer right. COME ON. Who doesn't know who she is. Does anyone read anymore. It made me happy that I knew that, but it sort of stunned me into realizing that what I'm trying to interest myself in is things i already know. Now don't get me know I'm not the all seeing eye or anything, but I know the tables of correspondences by heart... lol thank you llewelyn hahaha.

Writer's Block: By Any Other Name

2007-07-16T01:07:23Z

If you could rename yourself in real life, what would you choose, and why?

I never liked the name Jackie, because it rolls off the toung the way a cement truck backs up in a dark alley. and I look like a Jackie, I don't want to look like a Jackie. Believe it or not I always like the name Rebecca. But I wouldn't go by Becca, I'd be Rebe, with long "e's". I like R's. Maybe because red starts with an R and red is an intriging color. You never know what your going to get with red. R's and V's. I like and name Vega. I thought about that for a magickal name, but it's too fluffy for me. I like some F's too. I've had the name Finvarra in my head for sometime, but it's too... LOTRs. I'd go by Fin.

Have you ever related colors to numbers and letters? S's are Yellow. J's are Blue. 9's are Pink. 4's are Green. I'm crazy.

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-15T12:34:00

2007-07-15T16:40:02Z

I wrote an e-mail about the internships, I just asked if there were still any positions open this late in the season. I don't think there are, but it doesn't hurt to put my interest in now.

I picked up some toys for the kids room at highland.

I went back and am starting to read my old books again. I really feel this push to start meditating again too. Will i? Probably not, but the push is there. I wish there was a clear next step.

I'm gonna go play with some of the toys.

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-15T00:48:00

2007-07-15T04:53:41Z

This one made me laugh so hard, my mother asked what was going on...

I was afraid my vacation was going to make me miss the release of the book.

I knew it...

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-14T21:14:00

2007-07-15T01:14:24Z

I'm holding out for an apology. Is that so wrong?

beautifulpplsuk @ 2007-07-13T01:23:00

2007-07-13T05:34:12Z

It's amazing how many titles just fly out of the woodwork when someone needs to sound authoritative. These titles don't make up for hard work and practice. But what do I know.

I've been down at highland all week, lots of amazing things are going on down there. I don't think the port-o-john is going to be finished in the mid meadow by friday/saturday, but it will be done. I am just floored by the changes. I got to catch up with a lot of people I haven't seen in a while. and catch up on my gossip. The way it sounds, someone is putting something in the water because there is he said she said bullshit EVERYWHERE. I'm the last person to say something wicked this way comes, but something is definatly out of wack. Maybe is a meditate more often I would be able to fine-tune the senses. haha right. Yeah so anyway there is some real fish market shit going on, and it's coming from somewhere. or someone.

I'm glad a C and I are getting along now though, it was never that i didn't like her, I was just mad. But she's chill.

Oh I put my altar back up, it's probably more like a shrine right now, because I didn't want it that big. But I really want to get back into the game. Speaking with K, or well gossiping with K reminded me about the knowledge I have gained from my studies and practices and how good It makes me feel to know things. Does that make sense. I want to know more.

Like you ever have someone say something and they completely believe it, when you know they are lying thorugh their teeth. Example: "I'm the incarnation of [insert famous person here], and they told me this..." Yeah well I just had that experiance and it made me happy that I'm smarter.

dedalede